Welcome to my Kwontext Window

A context window into my brain.

Today is my birthday, which I usually spend dodging because I’m uncomfortable being the center of attention. Apparently I'm leaning all the way into the discomfort this year, because I’m also getting married and starting a business as a first-time day 0 founder.

Writing a public diary is a terrifying departure from the person I’ve been for the last 30-some years. I’ve spent most of my adult life offline - not as an ascetic, but because of a background hum of fear of judgment, of being misread, of taking up more space than I had a permit for. I’ve lowered the volume on shame in recent years, partly because I’m marrying someone who celebrates my weirdness, but mostly because I’m tired of fighting myself and dgaf anymore.

The other reason I’ve stayed offline is that I’m a face-to-face person who has always believed we can’t truly see each other through a screen. I find fulfillment in making people feel seen, because I know what it’s like to want that and not get it. The internet has always sandpapered that down to something flatter, or manicured people into versions of themselves they don’t quite live. I’ve learned I don’t need to resolve or make sense of that duality and just need to embrace both ends of it more gracefully.

The same shift in gears is also responsible for a delusional confidence I woke up with one morning. Which was apparently enough to start a business in an industry I’ve never operated in, with a skill set I can’t order on Amazon. I’ve also always been a proud #2, co-founder, first ops hire, head-of, the person quietly championing somebody else’s dream. I was good at it, I liked it, and I could avoid public judgment. This is the first time the door has my name on it, and that is a different flavor of vulnerable.

If you happen to be in the same boat as me - wondering if you’re delusional or writing a new mode d’emploi for your life - you’re not alone. And selfishly, if you’re a few steps ahead of me, please say “hi” and share words of advice or encouragement.

I usually overthink and plan everything, so this is a rare exercise in flow and in shamelessly sharing whatever’s in my head as I figure 100 things out*.

ooxxooXoXXx,

SK

P.S. for those wondering: no, AI is not writing my posts. My hard-working, atrophied braincells are piecing these words together on their own, so please be nice to them 🥹

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*including an overview of the agent CoS I built - up next